What A Bully

I’m not kind to myself. I enjoy being a bully to myself because I think I deserve it. Pain is all I know. Pain is comfort for me. I would rather be with someone who enjoys hurting me than being with someone who has good intentions. My belief is that I deserve nothing but pain and misery.

When I was junior high, I remember that I will torture myself for the rest of my life. I told myself that I deserve it. So I thought why not. Pain is all I know so why not. Fine. I must admit that I have a problem. My addiction with pain can get bad. My mind likes to torture itself no matter how hard I resist. The monster in me don’t want me to be happy. The angel in me is trying to shout but it’s caged, locked up, and cornered. It’s trapped that she surrendered.

Where Are We Now?

What have we done?

We created such a mess

Our family don’t like each other

Even our friends

We already have so much issues to deal with

Yet here we are again

Just you and me

In between the chaos

We want to choose love

But how can we

When everything is against each other

Just Give Up … On Me

What took you so long?

You finally gave up on me. That’s what I wanted you do for me.

So I finally know that I lost you.

I always knew I don’t deserve something so beautiful.

Your kind of love is something different I thought. I guess I was wrong.

At least I now know I truly don’t need or want it.

Now I’ll fight my corner again till I finally give up on myself once more.


Now I’m curious of how I will die.

Please Hate Me

I couldn’t stand the way you look at me with those eyes. It calmed me or gave me passion. I know I don’t deserve it so I did everything that you will hate me. I wanted you to hate me, not love me. So I took your heart and break it. So yes my love. I wanted all this to happen so you can hate me and see how horrible I am.

It was successful.

I’m sorry my love.


Be Aware


There’s something you need to know
There are these girls
Who makes you feel special
And unwanted

She is cruel
She is a wanderer
Who goes around
And making them worship her
Like a Goddess

One day
She either says goodbye
Or leave completely
Till your heart gives out

So stay away from her