Depression is like …

Everyone with Depression have their own way of expressing what it feels like for them. And for me personally Depression is like a bad friend who tells you that you are a bad person who doesn’t deserve to be happy. It’s like a bully that acts like your friend. Basically, it’s my frenemy. I decided to deal with this so called friend because I didn’t want to be alone. Also, it’s the only friend I have that I don’t know how to let go. It’s a toxic, bad friend.

In the end, I treated it like it’s human that needed someone to talk to and I was that person. So I always listened and said that everything will be okay.

Hopefully, everything will work out. If not then pull yourself up and keep going no matter what.

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Please Don’t Love Me

I’m not a easy person to love. I’m a difficult person to love because I make everything complicated and confusing, especially to the people whom I put a lot of emotions into. Once I put my time and effort to someone, I realize that they don’t love you anymore. Or don’t see you as a person anymore. And that hurts so I would start backing away slowly because I believe that love makes you weak. It made me weak enough that others find clever ways to hurt me. So I began to feel like nothing.

I remember thinking what’s the point. What’s the point of loving someone if they keep hurting you. Or what’s the point if I keep hurting myself from loving the wrong person. So why not put myself away from people before I hurt myself or hurt someone else because the truth is they are better off without me.

Confession #05

Suicidal thoughts had been part of my life since I was a child. I always been fascinated by death. I even thought of million ways to kill myself. Niagara Falls has been a wonderful idea to die because it looks so beautiful to be drowned into I thought. This feeling had been so constant that it feels too much sometimes. Most of the time I lost it flow right through me but other days it keeps coming back wave after wave. It’s like there’s no way I can escape from its embrace. It feels too strong to be ignored.

Hun, Calm Down

I know everything feels overwhelming right now

but you have to let these emotions run through you for a moment.

Just let it then breathe. It’s okay not to be okay.

In fact, sing your heart out,

run like a horse,

fly all over the world,

or anything that brings you peace.

Take this time for yourself.

Recover whatever you lost. So you can gain something new.