I’m not looking forward for 2019. Quite frankly, I’m devastated because of doing all the wrong things I’ve done to myself and others.
The last 2 years, I’ve made my life interesting both good and bad. Now I just want to stop and finally settle down into what I want. I must admit I still don’t know what I want. Or maybe I do. Or even what makes me happy but I want to bring back the true, pure form of me that I’ve been hiding away from. It’s time to shine bright for myself. Next year and the following year, I will do something that inspire others to be the best by being the best.
Wake up. Not this again. Wake up! You need to wake up! I know you still have feelings for him. You are just using hostility to lash out and giving him a reason to leave you. I know you like him like A LOT. So much that your hearts hurt when he is not there. So stop pretending and wake up! Wake up damn it! Do I have to slap you?! I know you will regret it so wake up.
Don’t you remember the little girl long ago you wished for this moment. The moment when someone finally choose you and only you. Now look at you. What the hell?! You want this. I know you do. So stop being so cold. People don’t like that. You need to remember again, don’t you. The dream you had and now it’s somewhere hidden in your mind just because you don’t like being hurt.
Maybe. During this time apart, someone else’s poor soul will make you realize that. Realize what you lost.
So please. Just. Wake. Up.
I know everything feels overwhelming right now
but you have to let these emotions run through you for a moment.
Just let it then breathe. It’s okay not to be okay.
In fact, sing your heart out,
run like a horse,
fly all over the world,
or anything that brings you peace.
Take this time for yourself.
Recover whatever you lost. So you can gain something new.
I know everything is tough right now. I know everything and everyone is against you. I know you feel like you gave so much and taken little. I know you think that no one loves you. I know you think you are not worthy. I know you can only trust certain people. I know that you know this is unhealthy. I know you. I see all of you. In fact, I am you. So I’m sorry to say that I’m sorry this is happening right now but you can get through this. So stop overthinking things. Just observe for now and see where it goes then make a plan for yourself only for you and no one else. For those who are affected by your final decision well … I hope one day they will understand.
It is the only thing I have. It never judged. It is a reflection of me. It is like rehab my own way. It helps me to find my way again instead of assuming that there’s nothing I can rely on. So why not continue to write as much as I can. It is everything to me. It brings me passion and peace. It gave me the reason to write no matter what I think or feel. So here I am making sure this blog is my life to which it is. Here we go.
I feel as though
someone warped my mind into something else.
It’s like there is a parasite in my brain
that I’m trying to get it out but it wants to live there
and make me something else.
I want my mind back.
My mind is my mind, not yours.