Confession #07

Hello everyone,

I’m lucky to have a 5 months old baby boy whom I absolutely adore. Part of me thinks he is my soulmate but terrified if he will hate me. Maybe it’s my PPD talking but I can’t help to have doubts of my abilities. Yet I want to show him that nothing can stop his mommy to inspire him to reach for the stars. That determination and grit will always pays off. For some random reason, I keep having horrible thoughts of scenarios that can happen. I’m not sure if this is part of PPD or just me. I don’t know how to feel about this at all. I want to make sure I’ll be the best mom for him but am I good enough for him?

Thanks for reading,

Ria

Confession #06

I don’t want to be one of those married women who have their husbands cheating on them repeatedly whether they are okay with it or not. I’ve met married men who came up to me trying to initiate sex, companionship, and benefits. These men chooses to cheat but always came back to their wives. The married woman who knows his infidelity and let him do it as long she knows is … I mean they deserve so much better than that. They shouldn’t tolerate such behavior, including those who don’t know about his infidelity.

All I’m saying is that I know I deserve better but always scared that this guy I’m dealing with is cheating on me for someone else. Also, I just don’t want to get hurt again.

Confession #05

Suicidal thoughts had been part of my life since I was a child. I always been fascinated by death. I even thought of million ways to kill myself. Niagara Falls has been a wonderful idea to die because it looks so beautiful to be drowned into I thought. This feeling had been so constant that it feels too much sometimes. Most of the time I lost it flow right through me but other days it keeps coming back wave after wave. It’s like there’s no way I can escape from its embrace. It feels too strong to be ignored.

Confession #04

I hate being alive. All the pain I’ve gone through feels so much that I’m impressed I lived this long but always searching for it like a moth to a flame. Why did all this happened to me? Is it because I deserve to be mistreated? Is it because I don’t deserve to be happy? Maybe I’m nothing but a wasted space that no one wants to be with. Am I good enough? Smart enough? What am I? And who should I become?