Why Bother Talking

I have no voice. There’s no one who is willing to listen to me. So why bother talk when people will hurt you in the end. My heart is so broken. I don’t know how to love myself so I like the pain. It’s a addiction. So give me no mercy and put me out to oblivion.

What A Bully

I’m not kind to myself. I enjoy being a bully to myself because I think I deserve it. Pain is all I know. Pain is comfort for me. I would rather be with someone who enjoys hurting me than being with someone who has good intentions. My belief is that I deserve nothing but pain and misery.

When I was junior high, I remember that I will torture myself for the rest of my life. I told myself that I deserve it. So I thought why not. Pain is all I know so why not. Fine. I must admit that I have a problem. My addiction with pain can get bad. My mind likes to torture itself no matter how hard I resist. The monster in me don’t want me to be happy. The angel in me is trying to shout but it’s caged, locked up, and cornered. It’s trapped that she surrendered.

Life & Death

Everything feels so new and fresh

Yet my mind wants to collapse

Earning to live life

While feeling numb

Wanting to love

At the same time you want to disappear

Living

Yet dying on the inside

Alive but dead

Dead but alive

Stream of Consciousness #09

Why I deserve to die? Well, no one loves me. No one cares about me. No one sees me as a person. No one checks up on me. No one wants to know me. No one is willing to see me as who I am. I’m also a bitch that no one likes. I’m a piece of shit that everyone can treat like trash. I’m basically nothing. I have no purpose in life. No one needs me. No one wants me. My depression is basically an excuse that people like to ridicule. I just want to die but I enjoy the pain so I don’t have the courage to kill myself. I need someone to kill me. So I don’t have to do it myself. 

I deserve to die. Everyone is better off without me. If I’m dead then everyone will be happy. So please just kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. I deserve it. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. I deserve nothing but death. Kill me. Kill me. Please put me out of my misery. Kill me. Kill me. Just kill me!

The Runner

I always ran

To wherever my heart desire

Just to find peace

But I realized

I’m running away

From myself

I’m running away

From my demons

Then I realized

I’ve forgotten who I am