Stream of Consciousness #09

Why I deserve to die? Well, no one loves me. No one cares about me. No one sees me as a person. No one checks up on me. No one wants to know me. No one is willing to see me as who I am. I’m also a bitch that no one likes. I’m a piece of shit that everyone can treat like trash. I’m basically nothing. I have no purpose in life. No one needs me. No one wants me. My depression is basically an excuse that people like to ridicule. I just want to die but I enjoy the pain so I don’t have the courage to kill myself. I need someone to kill me. So I don’t have to do it myself. 

I deserve to die. Everyone is better off without me. If I’m dead then everyone will be happy. So please just kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. I deserve it. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. I deserve nothing but death. Kill me. Kill me. Please put me out of my misery. Kill me. Kill me. Just kill me!

The Runner

I always ran

To wherever my heart desire

Just to find peace

But I realized

I’m running away

From myself

I’m running away

From my demons

Then I realized

I’ve forgotten who I am

Depression is like …

Everyone with Depression have their own way of expressing what it feels like for them. And for me personally Depression is like a bad friend who tells you that you are a bad person who doesn’t deserve to be happy. It’s like a bully that acts like your friend. Basically, it’s my frenemy. I decided to deal with this so called friend because I didn’t want to be alone. Also, it’s the only friend I have that I don’t know how to let go. It’s a toxic, bad friend.

In the end, I treated it like it’s human that needed someone to talk to and I was that person. So I always listened and said that everything will be okay.

Hopefully, everything will work out. If not then pull yourself up and keep going no matter what.